What Bullying Really Leaves Behind

A puppy trembles in an unfamiliar world. Stones rain down from human hands. Dogs circle, teeth bared. Every shadow promises capture, every sound signals danger. This is the architecture of fear.
Not just the classrooms: playgrounds, canteens, bus depots , online platforms, dressing rooms; bullying has no given time or place.

Let’s visualise a scenario: You’re in 10th grade. A few months into the term, the whispers start. Names that make you think your identity all over again, rumours spreading through hallways like wildfire. Remember truth or dare?

That innocent game twists into something cruel: hair pulled so hard that tears roll down your cheek, and all dismissed with a joke, “It’s just a dare”.

And imagine the child walk away from these acts with a smile because he/she doesn’t want to be excluded or teased or don’t want to risk the so called “friendship”.

A classmate trips you for entertainment.
The cost?
Tissue damage!
The reward for them?
Laughter.

Then comes the isolation. No group wants you; not for the projects, not for teams. You sit alone at lunch while the table behind you erupts in jokes, companionship and belonging. Only years later, you discover the reason: you were simply “bully material”.

This is the reality of bullying: physical and emotional (which may seem to be superficial and unimportant but causes the greatest scars and self doubt). It demands we comprehend its depth without flinching.

Bullying cannot be justified. Pitying bullies, for whatever shaped their cruelty is another layer of betrayal to those who survived it. Making them realize their responsibility and taking accountability for their actions is a step in the right direction.

“Until you let go of the past, you can’t fully live in the present.”
We’ve all heard of this saying. But how do you deliver this wisdom to someone whose childhood and adolescence (which are critical periods for development) that must make a kid feel safe, secure, and stable, was instead sculpted by humiliating acts? How do they let go when these experiences aren’t just memories, but the important aspects that contributed to the foundation of their identity?

Forgiveness feels like erasing a massive chunk of who you are. The overwhelm arrives when you realize there’s almost nothing from those years, worth feeling nostalgic about. When neither victims nor bullies receive proper support, they develop frames of reference. They try to fit in the new experiences to what’s already established.

Imagine a photo frame that never changes, though the images inside constantly shift. The frame determines how these images are seen, just as underlying experiences shape our thoughts and behaviour. Here, the frame becomes a foundation. It therefore becomes of utmost importance that, therapy and support, tackle and deal with the roots and work their way up.

The typical response when victims try conveying their feelings to friends and family is:
“Ignore them. They don’t wish to see you succeed”,
“This won’t matter in the future”,
“You’re overthinking”,
“Just don’t bother about it”.
Easier said than done.
Even though the advice has good intent, it often fails to seal the wounds and foster repressed emotions.

Bullying leaves marks that are deeply personal. There is no universal script for healing, no single lesson that undoes years of fear, shame, or learned silence. What does matter is acknowledgement. Acknowledging that you may have been hurt. Or that you may have hurt someone. Both require courage, and both deserve attention rather than denial.

For children and adolescents, education plays a critical role. Conversations around empathy, emotional immaturity, peer pressure, and accountability need to happen early, not as punishment, but as prevention. Helping children understand the impact of their words and actions builds awareness before patterns harden.

For those carrying these experiences into adulthood, healing often begins with space. Space to talk without minimisation. Space to reflect without judgment. This is where personalised emotional support becomes important. Platforms like Friend Indeed focus on emotional fitness through meaningful, one-on-one conversations, recognising that experiences like bullying cannot be processed through advice alone. They need presence, patience, and understanding.

Bullying thrives in silence. Healing begins when that silence is gently broken.